Emotional Health

Personally I have had a life full of ups and downs. For this I am extremely grateful. Life on the whole has not been kind to me…

I knew I was different before I started school. A peer refused me entrance in the home corner at playgroup as I had “Scabs.” I ran over to the ring games and told my mummy who held my hand tight and let me join in!!!

This exclusion lasted throughout my school days. Moving primary school at nine was a turning point. I was ran away from in the playground other children screaming at me. At the time you get on with it till the pain is too much. Your Daddy then reports it heartbroken himself that his little girl is not happy. Teachers shouting at you as you yawn in class, failing to understand that you have been up all night unable to sleep through pain and lack of breath… Alas, a true friend I found, a lifetime friend. A friend who was in other ways excluded. We looked at life on the front line and battled together for the rest of our school days. We laughed, we cried, we shared secrets. We do the same today. What a gift!!!

Life was better after school. College era. At last I had a choice. I took it. Only to be bullied again by a jumped up teacher on placement. Guess what, she didn’t like my scabs. Nevermind I battled forth, I wanted my qualifications. During the summer holidays my consultant had me in hospital for tests and my eczema and chest improved. A renewed energy, a good sleep pattern and wow. A different college placement and I flew by. I even found a new confidence. Go girl, go!!! And I did.

After leaving college, new friends found, a new me faced the world. Good jobs, self sufficient, an independent woman spread her wings and loved life to the full. A brilliant decade. Worked hard, played harder!! Bought my first house. Life was an incredible dream.

Life has a funny way, or it has for me of sometimes taking away. Perhaps it wasn’t life, why blame life, after all you only make your own decisions. Friends whom I had made turned out to “use”, obviously I let them wanting desperately to be liked. Friends suggesting people who are good for you when, ahh, hindsight is wonderful!! The people who are suggested to be good for you are really, really not…

So into the next decade, marry in haste. I cannot say. I was abused so much so after ten years I left a three month stay in hospital with a carrier bag, and no home of my own. I didn’t know who I was anymore!! Lost, no its not the word, I wasn’t even an empty vessel. The age of thirty nine and back in rented accommodation living on benefits. Down, down, deeper than down I went. People despaired of me. As they say “This too shall pass” and yes it did. Eventually…

I under went a change. Through this beautiful metamorphosis I found out who I was meant to be… ME!!! Perhaps a little of whom I was two decades earlier. My two oldest friend, true friends I reunited with and life was better than ever. Back in work and a relationship that has led to a strong marriage of many years. A love so true, so unconditional so beautifully deep.

Today, yes today, life is settled and usually free from woes. My health is very poor. People who I think may understand, don’t. Today that’s OK. Today I have people who do, many people. I can choose my friends and leave the rest. I hurt, I hurt alot when people don’t understand. Then I turn it over. I’m glad I am me today, because I do understand. I have a very good job that requires me to understand people. I’m glad I do. I’m glad I love hard. I’m glad I have my ideals on life. Why? Because without all my pain I would live in an enclosed world and not understand. My depth is deep, my emotional vision wide, my love if I love you is universal and very, very true.

Don’t judge this book by its matt cover, because the pages inside are amazingly bright. After all there’s always sunshine after a storm…

My motto, live for the people who love really love you and leave the rest behind!!!

I do!!!

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